My Dreamy Advisor

I’m not so sure I would describe myself as “dreamy”. I don’t mean to say that I’m not a good person deserving of spectacular friends and a fulfilling relationship – just that I believe I fall a bit closer to the midpoint between the two extremes of dreamy and boorish. Two people apparently find me to be much more on the positive side of that continuum, and one in particular has made me very happy as of late.

My new boyfriend and I have been seeing each other for a about a month now, and in the days since we first met face-to-face, I have never felt so appreciated and loved. A brief assessment of some of my past relationships would yield the discovery that I have sometimes felt the need to give over 50% to keep things going – something that is emotionally taxing and leaves me feeling undeserving of the other’s love and commitment. What a difference a few weeks make! He calls me back when I call him, and I am eager to do the same each time he calls me. We can spend time doing absolutely nothing – together or separately – and still enjoy each other’s company. The look in his eyes when he gazes at me sends a warm rush of energy through my body. It is abundantly clear that he cares about me, and I believe he knows it is mutual.

Now on the other side of the first few “getting-to-know-you” weeks, I cannot believe what I would have missed had I continued along my path of being shut down. I had such a hard time getting over my last boyfriend that I nearly didn’t give him a chance to get to know me or see my softer side. I didn’t want to hurt like that again - and still don’t. Even when I explained (on Valentine’s Day evening, ironically) that I was emotionally unavailable and that it had nothing to do with him, he was not dissuaded from staying around and learning more about me, even if he was relegated to being my friend – without the possibility of anything more. It was that moment in my kitchen, while I was hurriedly washing the dishes and he was keeping me company, that he dismissed my comment about being unavailable as “okay and normal”. He began to win me over, and with each day of realizing he would be patient and respectful of my wishes not to get involved in another relationship, I began to understand that I might be missing something wonderful by not giving him a chance. I began to gradually let down my guard.

The following weekend, I took him walking on campus, showing him my office and running a quick errand. As we walked through one of the bucolic quadrangles, we passed a pair of young ladies who were sitting on a picnic blanket, pretending to study. I was so engrossed in my company that I didn’t hear one of them say hello to me. My boyfriend turned to acknowledge her, and once I realized what had transpired, I was too far along to turn around and say anything.

“Did you hear what she said after I said hi back?” he said, giggling.

She had apparently added as an aside to her friend, in a wistful, whispering tone: “That’s my advisor!”

“Isn’t he dreamy?” he added, with the same degree of longing. We collapsed into laughter.

I hope he understands that I find him dreamy, too.