I realized after talking with my father on the phone last night that I had done something that most gay sons can only dream of doing: I joked about ways that I could still pass on the family name, despite my proclivity for other men. If you use a little imagination, you could probably guess at some of the ridiculous and lewd suggestions – some outrightly vomitous, in my opinion - offered up by both parties, but the importance lies not within the specific topic of conversation but on the simple fact that the conversation took place.
Blessed with open-minded, liberal parents, I remind myself every day of how fortunate I am to be wholly accepted by all of my family members and friends. I feel no shame, nor do I fear what others might think of me. All of this I owe to my parents – and especially my father. As I write this post, I am keeping in mind those sons who, when outed to their fathers, were shunned, excommunicated from the family or church, hated, misunderstood, ignored, kicked out of the house, financially and emotionally cut off, betrayed, beaten, or killed. Oh, yes – it happens; and more often that you think.
Bon courage, mes frères. Someday we will truly be free, but not without hard work and determination. Until then, we are all in my thoughts and prayers.
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I'm so glad you can talk to your dad. And thanks for not detailing what you talked about, especially the ones you described as outrightly vomitous (great word, by the way, takes me back to The Princess Bride "miserable vomitous mass") Anyway, dragging this back to the subject at hand. I'm sure you are aware that those who are shunned are treated that way because the people who shun them are just ignorant and judgemental. And if I ever hear anyone say they were excommunicated from their church for coming out, I will write a very angry letter to that church, because that's an outrage. There is no reason to treat anyone in the way you've described, and while I live in my sheltered heterosexual world, never seeing any violence against anyone because of their orientation, I know you are right, it does happen. So I'd like to echo your sentiments to those out there who have been mistreated. There are people who would never do such a thing. Those are the people who strive to love everyone, accept everyone, and who realize that all humans deserve to be treated well. I hope all of you find a support system of people who feel that way. And if you have trouble finding that, know a stranger in Alabama is thinking of you, praying for you, loving you.. because that's the way I believe we should live.
And that goes for you too, Chris. You are in my prayers, and in my heart. I love you!
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