That's how I feel lately. Remember just a few days ago how NASA scientists rejoiced at having their mathematical and scientific talents rewarded by witnessing a man-made spacecraft expertly crash into the leading edge of a comet? What so many people didn't pay much attention to was the fact that the entire event was caught on camera - from not-so-very afar. A "mother ship" was set in position on an interception course with the speeding comet, just waiting to jettison its lander to plunge into the mass of dust, ice, and supposedly life-enabling other material. A scientific orgasm of sorts was expected and indeed occurred.
I am that mother ship. I put myself on course to rendez-vous with a tiny little rock hurtling through space - a proverbial pebble containing some specific mass of happiness (Tons? Pounds? Ounces? Or does God prefer metric?) to which I calculated a perfectly straight trajectory accounting for every variable conceivable to man. Alas, just the conceivable ones... Something beyond my perception occurred at just the right moment to alter my course around the comet, however. I am left with my payload, alone in space after the temporary blinding effect of the corona passed before my wide-open, disbelieving - now sad - eyes. All I can do is watch my failed destiny and its seemingly magical tail stretch away from me.
In times like these I turn to my anthem of loneliness - "Table for Two" by Caedmon's Call:
Because I'm so scared of being alone / That I forget what house I live in. /But it's not my job to wait by the phone / For [him] to call... /... /And You know the plans that You have for me /And You can't plan the end and not plan the means /And so I suppose I just need some peace /Just to get me to sleep.Oh, what I wouldn't give for a peaceful night's rest.
3 comments:
Hey sexy! I'm so glad you decided to join me in the blogosphere!
I feel the need to comment on your post. And you know what's coming. First of all, I don't think God cares if you use metric or not. He's just not fussed about such things. ;)
But seriously, sometimes the best laid plans doing work out. It doesnt' mean you failed, or that your destiny failed. It just means that your plans were not the destiny you were meant to have. I do understand that "lost in space" feeling, and I know it's the only way you can feel right now, given recent circumstances. But trust me, there is a comet out there that is just waiting to collide with you and burst into showers of sparks of happiness beyond your wildest dreams. I have to believe that is in the cards for both of us.
I love the song you quoted, and, as you know, I consider that one of the songs on my own life soundtrack. I'll leave you with another one that I think applies: "Lead of Love" by the same band.
Looking back at the road so far
The journey's left its share of scars
Mostly from leaving the narrow and straight
Looking back it is clear to me
That a man is more than the sum of his deeds
And how You've made good of this mess I've made
Is a profound mystery
Looking back You know You had to bring me through
All that I was so afraid of
Though I questioned the sky, now I see why
Had to walk the rocks to see the mountain view
Looking back I see the lead of love
Looking back I can finally see (I'd rather have wisdom)
How failures bring humility (than be)
Brings me to my knees (a comfortable fool)
Helps me see my need for Thee
So we all make mistakes, and we all go through tough times, but remember that you are loved and there are many people who are looking out for you and that God will lead you through your trials. And even though the rocks seem very hard to travel through, one day you will see that mountain view and you will know that love brought you there. (think of the hike we made in Arizona, just to see the sunset over the desert. I always think of that moment when I hear that song.) I love you, Chris! Hang in there.
Thanks, Anita... I felt the depth of your love for me as a friend as I read your comment, and it brought tears of happiness (for once) to my eyes. I love you dearly. -Chris
You are such a sweet guy, just a terrific person, that's why we've been friends twisting and tying around all these years. Now that I'm thinking about it I am really sad about us loosing touch for such a long time and for such a lonely reason. Take care, Joy
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