Okay, so here is the weird dream I had:
I was running some sort of race (you know how I love to run) that took place on some rural stretch of Interstate. As I was jogging past a farm, I noticed a pair of gentlemen in some sort of junkyard adjacent to their house, tinkering around with something I couldn't make out. For some reason, I felt like I had the time to leave the race for a bit and went over to check out the situation. The two men - one older, one younger - were trying to move a large, ten-foot long piece of heavy metal tubing, and had somehow rigged up a system of chains in order to make the task easier.
The men were fairly aggressive toward me, but at the same time were appreciative of my efforts. I found out in the limited conversation we had that the younger one was, coincidentally, the boyfriend of my acquaintance Bonnie, one of the young women who works in our IT department as a troubleshooter. After successfully relocating the metal tube from one seemingly useless location to another, I rejoined the race along the highway.
Apparently, I was quite ahead of the pack at the time I stopped to help Bonnie's boyfriend and the other man. When I reached the Interstate again, I jogged up the entrance ramp and joined the throng of runners who had since caught up with me. Among them was Bonnie, with whom I began a cheery, albeit breathless, conversation about the chance meeting that had taken place off-road only minutes ago.
The highway entered a more urban area and became elevated - much like the downtown portion of I-10 in New Orleans. As Bonnie, me, and the rest of the pack rounded a bend, I saw Bonnie's boyfriend standing at the top of the next rise - a bridge, perhaps - holding a shotgun. When he spotted me, he shouted something about my having stolen Bonnie from him (as if!), raised the shotgun to his shoulders, and fired.
I thought that you weren't supposed to die in dreams, but I felt the bullet hit my face, just below my right eye. I had enough time to slurrily wish everyone well, and then my world went black.
It's a good thing that the urban legend about dreaming of death actually causing death isn't true. I woke up next to my boyfriend, took a deep breath, and went back to sleep - peacefully.
Wednesday, March 29, 2006
Friday, March 24, 2006
La bonne chance / Heureux enfin / Ma belle vie
What an eventful few weeks... I just received word a few days ago that I have been offered a job at my university that will be a significant promotion over my current position, complete with a considerable raise in salary. Maybe there will be other options for lunchtime besides homemade turkey sandwiches and reduced fat Ruffles. Maybe I can even begin a 403(b) account (like a 401(k), but for us educators). I can hear the RV's engine purring as I type...
My mother recently moved to town after years of waffling (read: physically relocating, multiple times) between a small southern village and a major midwestern city. She gained employment with the University and seems to be quite happy, having started work two days ago. Maybe this third city, which carries no previous emotional baggage, will be the winning ticket for her life's lottery. I am adjusting to living near family again (it has been 11 years since I lived any fewer than 3.5 hours away from the closest relative), and helping her adjust to my - now our - fair city.
I have met quite a wonderful man, and he has been in my life for a month and a half now. Though not too much time has passed since we first met, I have never felt so special and adored, and I look forward to every moment we spend together. This is no short-term fling; I hope, as we continue getting to know one another, that the strong feelings we have will persist. We are both long-term, relationship-minded people with goals and ambition, and he has the gentlest, sweetest, most sincere personality to boot. I humbly decline to comment on my own.
I am headed down to his house for the weekend, and cannot wait for whatever is in store. He is the kind of person with whom I can do or say nothing and still be comfortable - a BIG step and important facet of a successful, healthy relationship. Although I am enjoying living in the moment, my mind has wandered down the path of the future between us. I like the scenery that lies ahead.
My mother recently moved to town after years of waffling (read: physically relocating, multiple times) between a small southern village and a major midwestern city. She gained employment with the University and seems to be quite happy, having started work two days ago. Maybe this third city, which carries no previous emotional baggage, will be the winning ticket for her life's lottery. I am adjusting to living near family again (it has been 11 years since I lived any fewer than 3.5 hours away from the closest relative), and helping her adjust to my - now our - fair city.
I have met quite a wonderful man, and he has been in my life for a month and a half now. Though not too much time has passed since we first met, I have never felt so special and adored, and I look forward to every moment we spend together. This is no short-term fling; I hope, as we continue getting to know one another, that the strong feelings we have will persist. We are both long-term, relationship-minded people with goals and ambition, and he has the gentlest, sweetest, most sincere personality to boot. I humbly decline to comment on my own.
I am headed down to his house for the weekend, and cannot wait for whatever is in store. He is the kind of person with whom I can do or say nothing and still be comfortable - a BIG step and important facet of a successful, healthy relationship. Although I am enjoying living in the moment, my mind has wandered down the path of the future between us. I like the scenery that lies ahead.
Saturday, March 18, 2006
My Dreamy Advisor
I’m not so sure I would describe myself as “dreamy”. I don’t mean to say that I’m not a good person deserving of spectacular friends and a fulfilling relationship – just that I believe I fall a bit closer to the midpoint between the two extremes of dreamy and boorish. Two people apparently find me to be much more on the positive side of that continuum, and one in particular has made me very happy as of late.
My new boyfriend and I have been seeing each other for a about a month now, and in the days since we first met face-to-face, I have never felt so appreciated and loved. A brief assessment of some of my past relationships would yield the discovery that I have sometimes felt the need to give over 50% to keep things going – something that is emotionally taxing and leaves me feeling undeserving of the other’s love and commitment. What a difference a few weeks make! He calls me back when I call him, and I am eager to do the same each time he calls me. We can spend time doing absolutely nothing – together or separately – and still enjoy each other’s company. The look in his eyes when he gazes at me sends a warm rush of energy through my body. It is abundantly clear that he cares about me, and I believe he knows it is mutual.
Now on the other side of the first few “getting-to-know-you” weeks, I cannot believe what I would have missed had I continued along my path of being shut down. I had such a hard time getting over my last boyfriend that I nearly didn’t give him a chance to get to know me or see my softer side. I didn’t want to hurt like that again - and still don’t. Even when I explained (on Valentine’s Day evening, ironically) that I was emotionally unavailable and that it had nothing to do with him, he was not dissuaded from staying around and learning more about me, even if he was relegated to being my friend – without the possibility of anything more. It was that moment in my kitchen, while I was hurriedly washing the dishes and he was keeping me company, that he dismissed my comment about being unavailable as “okay and normal”. He began to win me over, and with each day of realizing he would be patient and respectful of my wishes not to get involved in another relationship, I began to understand that I might be missing something wonderful by not giving him a chance. I began to gradually let down my guard.
The following weekend, I took him walking on campus, showing him my office and running a quick errand. As we walked through one of the bucolic quadrangles, we passed a pair of young ladies who were sitting on a picnic blanket, pretending to study. I was so engrossed in my company that I didn’t hear one of them say hello to me. My boyfriend turned to acknowledge her, and once I realized what had transpired, I was too far along to turn around and say anything.
“Did you hear what she said after I said hi back?” he said, giggling.
She had apparently added as an aside to her friend, in a wistful, whispering tone: “That’s my advisor!”
“Isn’t he dreamy?” he added, with the same degree of longing. We collapsed into laughter.
I hope he understands that I find him dreamy, too.
My new boyfriend and I have been seeing each other for a about a month now, and in the days since we first met face-to-face, I have never felt so appreciated and loved. A brief assessment of some of my past relationships would yield the discovery that I have sometimes felt the need to give over 50% to keep things going – something that is emotionally taxing and leaves me feeling undeserving of the other’s love and commitment. What a difference a few weeks make! He calls me back when I call him, and I am eager to do the same each time he calls me. We can spend time doing absolutely nothing – together or separately – and still enjoy each other’s company. The look in his eyes when he gazes at me sends a warm rush of energy through my body. It is abundantly clear that he cares about me, and I believe he knows it is mutual.
Now on the other side of the first few “getting-to-know-you” weeks, I cannot believe what I would have missed had I continued along my path of being shut down. I had such a hard time getting over my last boyfriend that I nearly didn’t give him a chance to get to know me or see my softer side. I didn’t want to hurt like that again - and still don’t. Even when I explained (on Valentine’s Day evening, ironically) that I was emotionally unavailable and that it had nothing to do with him, he was not dissuaded from staying around and learning more about me, even if he was relegated to being my friend – without the possibility of anything more. It was that moment in my kitchen, while I was hurriedly washing the dishes and he was keeping me company, that he dismissed my comment about being unavailable as “okay and normal”. He began to win me over, and with each day of realizing he would be patient and respectful of my wishes not to get involved in another relationship, I began to understand that I might be missing something wonderful by not giving him a chance. I began to gradually let down my guard.
The following weekend, I took him walking on campus, showing him my office and running a quick errand. As we walked through one of the bucolic quadrangles, we passed a pair of young ladies who were sitting on a picnic blanket, pretending to study. I was so engrossed in my company that I didn’t hear one of them say hello to me. My boyfriend turned to acknowledge her, and once I realized what had transpired, I was too far along to turn around and say anything.
“Did you hear what she said after I said hi back?” he said, giggling.
She had apparently added as an aside to her friend, in a wistful, whispering tone: “That’s my advisor!”
“Isn’t he dreamy?” he added, with the same degree of longing. We collapsed into laughter.
I hope he understands that I find him dreamy, too.
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